Sure, I like certain activities more than others. I'm as much of a pig and slut as I've always been in my mind, but in practice I am leaning more toward playing with the person regardless of the specifics of what we do in a scene. Meaningful encounters matter to me these days. Perhaps I too had fallen prey to the tendency to decide on a suitable kink partner based on their profile data points rather than them. What's behind the technology of hookup sites and apps is ultimately a database, your description and sexual desires neatly stored to be perused by whoever comes across your profile. My first instinct is to blame what I call the databasing of sex. Once I became conscious of this tendency, it struck me as entirely backward. I found that I no longer assessed the person upon first connecting, but rather assessed their list. Over time, my fantasies solidified into a vastly reduced subset of activities and ways of positioning my mind when engaging in play. I'm not sure when I shifted to more rigid fantasy scenarios. I assessed men and the sexual experiences they might offer with the eagerness of a starving man presented with a smorgasbord of endless gastronomic delights. Kink and the world of leathersex were so new to me that I approached each potential encounter with the curiosity of an explorer. Flashback to my 17-year-old self when I stumbled upon my first leather bar, and you would have witnessed someone who was quite open minded. This might seem like a great way to cruise, but it ended up not serving me well. Whether I met a guy in a bar, at an event, or on a site like Recon, rather than approach them with an open mind my first instinct defaulted to mentally going through my list to see if theirs matched mine. My cruising had become an exercise of matching my rigid list of fantasy sexual activities and erotic mindsets with someone else's, the equivalent of a pass or fail checklist by which I screened every potential partner. That's hot and sexy, but over time I noticed a trend in my life that I didn't like. It's the glue that bonds us as members of the kink communities to which we belong. Edgy and adventurous sex is the lifeblood of our sexualities. By Race Bannon We kinksters love our fantasies.
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